Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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