i just google imaged poop.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
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Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize