dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
