he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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