Got a toothbrush?
look no pants
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
