You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.