I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
