All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
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