Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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