So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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