dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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