Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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