Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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