I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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