I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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