He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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