CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
