Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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