5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
