So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
