my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
