apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
