i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
