just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
