i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
