watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize