Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
