i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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