Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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