I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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