Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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