how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
