Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
