It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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