even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
