ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
