I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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