OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
