I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize