he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
