hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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