how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize