just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
