You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
