and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
