I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
