dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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