Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
