know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize