I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
