You can't motorboat a personality
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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