Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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