I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
me + whiskey = a bad person
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
