have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
