wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Everyone says I win the strip club
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
