People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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