he was CRYING into my vagina
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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