the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
